Have you ever wished to die, but had to face the fact you just no longer could, because the main organ that keeps you alive is long gone?
Have you ever wished to fall asleep, as deep as you can, so that you wouldn't have to wake up and go along with all you're against?
Have you ever caught yourself saying you'd give up on loving, but somehow you feel chained to it and just can't let go of this eternal searching? Noticed no matter what happened you've always said it'd be your last attempt?
Or have you ever thought about how stupid, how insane, how infant, idiot, silly, self-destroyer, addicting and even outdated you are, for still wanting something known as love, but you want it not to exist?
Well, I have. Actually, that's how I've been feeling. A mix of unknown feelings and unwanted desires plus the mistakes I've often sworn to myself not to commit times the dreams I no longer believe in equals this complete mess I'v turned into.
I've exchanged all I had for a bunch of fairytales I see no reality in. I don't want anybody else to tell me truths anymore. All I now want is to believe the lies I'll be told, pretending it's common, normal and usual not to be loved, not to be wanted, not to be happy, not to be remembered, as life has clarified the hard way to me thousands of times. Maybe it's not that weird to be left on my own and maybe I'm getting used to living like this.
I can't get my heart hurt anymore, it's already killed. So, all I have left to sorrow is my soul, the one which will hunt me forever, even after died, that is, like it's done, because it's pointless to feel alive with no reasons, no dreams, no positivity, no love.
There are some things I must thank you for: teaching me I shouldn't trust love, teaching me how to never feel anything good, but still miss you, teaching me to feel guilty for something I shouldn't feel - that is, not being good enough for you -, teaching me life is hard when you love who's never loved you, and the main thing: for making me want to suicide even after getting me murdered.
Have you ever wished to fall asleep, as deep as you can, so that you wouldn't have to wake up and go along with all you're against?
Have you ever caught yourself saying you'd give up on loving, but somehow you feel chained to it and just can't let go of this eternal searching? Noticed no matter what happened you've always said it'd be your last attempt?
Or have you ever thought about how stupid, how insane, how infant, idiot, silly, self-destroyer, addicting and even outdated you are, for still wanting something known as love, but you want it not to exist?
Well, I have. Actually, that's how I've been feeling. A mix of unknown feelings and unwanted desires plus the mistakes I've often sworn to myself not to commit times the dreams I no longer believe in equals this complete mess I'v turned into.
I've exchanged all I had for a bunch of fairytales I see no reality in. I don't want anybody else to tell me truths anymore. All I now want is to believe the lies I'll be told, pretending it's common, normal and usual not to be loved, not to be wanted, not to be happy, not to be remembered, as life has clarified the hard way to me thousands of times. Maybe it's not that weird to be left on my own and maybe I'm getting used to living like this.
I can't get my heart hurt anymore, it's already killed. So, all I have left to sorrow is my soul, the one which will hunt me forever, even after died, that is, like it's done, because it's pointless to feel alive with no reasons, no dreams, no positivity, no love.
There are some things I must thank you for: teaching me I shouldn't trust love, teaching me how to never feel anything good, but still miss you, teaching me to feel guilty for something I shouldn't feel - that is, not being good enough for you -, teaching me life is hard when you love who's never loved you, and the main thing: for making me want to suicide even after getting me murdered.
