In the end

In five days, one month will be completed since we last touched... But who's counting, after all? I kept trying to not look so down, to get to know new people and experiencing new horizons, I really did... I shouldn't cry over you, shouldn't keep thinking of you, shouldn't want to be with you... But somehow this just gets worse and worse... 

Happiness, faithfulness, thoughts and memories have just turned into a mix of lethal dust, and I'm the only one who got intoxicated. I have all the reasons to be over you, to want to smash and destroy you and still, all I miss are the gentil words once said. But what horrifies me the most is the unsaid. The still unknown haunts me as if I were about to perish, begging for help, in the middle of the nowhere, lost inside my feelings. Notwithstanding, I had sworn to myself I would be strong and wouldn't let myself into tears, depression or whatnot. But if I could control my feelings, I would have controlled them right when I first saw you, when I knew you were trouble.

In the end, you may not be so wrong, I may not be so right, and we may only be result of stubbornness... In the end, my best decision had been taken when we were together, when I didn't want you to be around - but you insisted, and this best decision turned into the worst when I gave in -, and in the end, all that's left is sorrow, apathy, fears, disgust, bad feelings. In the end, I realized that, even with you, I was lonesome, but at least I had something to hold on to... In the end, the best truths I believed in were all the lies we lived... The ones you didn't even bother to be sorry for...